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​Pastor Steve Littlefield of Simonton Community Church and I have known each other for 25 years.  He was my youth pastor in high school and has been my senior pastor ever since.  I consider him one of the wisest and most influential people in our community.  As a pastor, Steve has more experience with aging and dying and grief than most.  I was fortunate to have him by my side through both of my parents’ battles with cancer.  From waiting room conversations to quiet end-of-life chats with my family in our home, Steve has always offered consistent words of wisdom.  When my dad died, Steve gave me some of the best (and most memorable) advice I’ve ever heard.  He said “Remember, people will say dumb things.  They’ll say dumb things because they don’t know what else to say, and that’s okay.  Don’t worry about it.  They mean well.”  He was absolutely right.  Steve knows people, and I am honored to introduce you to him and his wealth of knowledge and excited to share our conversation on aging parents.

​In February, much of Texas experienced one of the coldest storms in our state’s history.  A strange mix of historically low temperatures, rain, ice, and snow ran our state into the ground.  Our power grid failed, and most of Texas was left in the bitter cold for days.  My mom and I lost power for about 40 hours total.  We were fortunate enough to have a gas fireplace and stove, so we could huddle around the fire to keep warm and cook the food that was ironically thawing in our dark freezer.  

​​Laura Bracher and I worked together for two years at my previous job.  Our cubicles were in close proximity, so we saw each other daily and chatted often.  One morning, not long after I started my job, Laura flew in like a tornado- later than normal and a bit frazzled.  It was then I learned Laura was deep in the throes of caring for her parents, one of whom has severe dementia.  Three years later, she is still caring for her parents while juggling two teenage kiddos and a full-time job.  A few months ago, Laura unexpectedly lost her husband after his brief battle with cancer.  To say Laura has been through a lot is an understatement.  She is beyond tough, keeps a positive attitude and a friendly demeanor, and I am honored she agreed to speak with me about her role as a caregiver. 

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​With everyone still mostly cooped up due to the pandemic, I’m seeing more and more people frustrated from feeling trapped indoors.  In fact, right here in my own home, after almost a year of staying home, I find myself truly longing to escape to a solo retreat somewhere.  It’s not that I don’t love my roommate (who also happens to be my mother).  It’s just- the truth is, living with and caring for family members, especially elderly loved ones, requires an enormous amount of patience and compassion, and sharing spaces all day these days just seems to exacerbate this situation.  

​​One of my 25 tips for dealing with aging parents is to read the super-short book "Gone From My Sight".  The book, which is really more of a booklet, is literally 13 easy-to-read pages.  The subject within, however, is not an easy one.  This book is about the realities of death and what to expect from our loved ones during their last few months and through their final hours.

​​I have a dear friend, Shane.  We met when I went to work at my very first ever “real” job.  He’s brilliant and clever and the only person I’ve ever known who could have been a cast member on Saturday Night Live.  I love his colorful outlook on life and the fact that he told me I favored Martina McBride.

​Dolly Parton always helps complete my holidays.  It’s not really Christmas if you don’t tear up to “Hard Candy Christmas” at least once, is it?  My mom and I recently watched her Christmas on the Square movie.  Towards the end of the movie, an angel-in-training softly states, “Grief is love with nowhere to go.”  I looked at Mom, and she looked at me.  Having both gone through our share of grief, why hadn’t we thought of this before?  I know grief is love, but I’ve never thought about how this typically wonderful emotion causes so much pain simply because it’s trapped inside our hearts.

​Dear Caregivers,
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If I could hug you in person, I would.  Instead, I’m sending virtual hugs to all of you.  This time of year is already exhausting, but for so many of you, your holiday world looks different this year.  Or, maybe it looks like it did last year, only it’s harder now.  

With 2020 being such a wild year and with the holidays right around the corner, you might be researching gift ideas, if you’re not already done, you brilliant overachievers.  For those of you still looking, I’ve compiled a list of the ten best gifts for older parents.  Buying gifts for mom and dad and other older folks can often be the hardest.  What do you give the people who most likely have everything they need at this point in their lives?
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Living with an older person is super helpful when it comes to gift ideas for seniors.  I can see the items my mother uses the most and the ones she might still need, and I thought I’d share a few of those with you here.  

​​Medical appointments can be intimidating for anyone.  Some seniors, however, have a bit more doctor appointment anxiety than the rest of us.  This makes sense.  Reaction times slow a bit with age, medical centers and complexes can be difficult to navigate and a tad overwhelming, and some life-changing news can be dished out in these meetings.  However, you can help reduce some anxiety for your loved ones by simply being better prepared for these appointments.

​​Even though it’s been years since my father passed away, I am still frustrated by the fact that I do not have access to his wealth of knowledge and random trivial facts.  The man just seemed to know something about everything.  I’m even more concerned with the thought of losing my mom and all her collective wisdom.  What would I do if my mom died unexpectedly tomorrow?  What support systems would I use to help with those tough life questions- the ones only older people and over-sized cartoon owls seem to be able to answer?

​Let’s face it.  2020 has been a hot mess.  So, while we may be thrilled to finally see some festive lights on the tree, those lights may also be a bitter reminder of the financial, social, and physical toll this year has taken on us.  As we scurry to find easy and inexpensive ways to bring joy back into our homes, I’d like to ask you to remember your elders- whether they be family, friends, neighbors, or strangers.  

​For months I’ve been writing steadily as a creative outlet, but my writing hasn’t really had a collective theme or a home.  I’ve also been pondering my life’s journey- where I’ve been and where I’m headed.  (And who isn’t pondering everything?  It’s 2020, after all.)